From Grovescycles

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"When are you going to paint the shed? It must be about a century since it was done last."

"It's on the list, I've been busy."

"Busy riding that bike you mean. You need to take some responsibility."

"I'm going to get it done this weekend, I promise."

"Oooh that's fantastic, thank you so much. What colour shall we do it?"

"I've already got the paint, it's a nice fetching blue."

Sometime after the weekend ...

 

 

"MARK! WHY IS YOUR BIKE BLUE?"

From Javabob69

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"Pass the nachos man."

"I haven't got the nachos I thought you were bringing them." 

"When did I ever say I was bringing the nachos? I told you to bring the nachos, I specifically remember telling you to put them up your shirt."

"OK man no sweat, we'll just have to stop by the nacho dealer. He's a little further up Santa Monica beach here."

"This isn't Santa Monica beach, it's Dorset."

"Fuck."

From Stevenzaf

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They set off in the early morning, Stevenzaf and his girlfriend Maureen, amid promises of lunch atop a mountain and views as far as the eye could see. 

"I don't know, Steven, it seems a very long way," said Maureen, "Can't we find somewhere closer?"

"It will be worth it, my darling, it is so beautiful and the food is divine."

"Maybe we should take a picnic instead," said Maureen.

"Never! It would never be the same."

Four hours it took them to get up that mountain, in the midsummer heat. The gradients ramped up over 24 per cent and twice Maureen had to be resuscitated due to heat exhaustion.

When they arrived the restaurant was closed.

"Fuck you," said Maureen, leaning on the steps and looking at the sky. "Fuck you."